Rebuilding the Wall - Don't let self-doubt stand in your way.

Am I strong enough? Do I have what it takes? What if I can’t do it? What if I fail? Standing at the dawn of something new, something great, we all have the same questions. Staring at yourself in the mirror and imagining all possible scenarios. Self-doubt is normal but it’s the very thing that could prevent us from ever taking the next step because the next step often requires us to expose our weaknesses and to put ourselves forward for scrutiny and judgment. There is nothing more frightening than to expose yourself, your dreams and fears, to another person; to let them ‘see’ you. We spend all our time protecting ourselves, that to dream big and venture into the unknown shakes us to the very core. We’re careful to choose projects where we know we’ll succeed or at least where we can control the outcome. Anything that is remotely, beyond our control upsets the balance, therefore, the ever-present conversation with the mirror, ‘Am I enough? What if I fail?’

I’m sure Nehemiah had the same questions, (at least I would if I was him). So many people up until this point have worked on this project. What would he bring to the table that others haven’t? How could he succeed where others have failed? We see him vacillate between confidence and introspection; between self-assurance and cautiousness. When Nehemiah got to Jerusalem, he spent three days in the city before he even went to inspect the wall. I don’t know, for someone that seemed so eager to get there, why spend three days doing ‘nothing’? The Bible doesn’t say what, but can you imagine the amount of self-talk that must’ve gone on? I know I can have a whole argument with myself and that’s just while I’m in the shower. He knew why he was there; he knew the gravity of the task. One would expect him to hit the ground running, but he didn’t. He needed to take a moment. Major things in our lives take up a lot of our thoughts and it can take us a while to put all the pieces together and to weigh it all up. A lot of pacing the floor and a lot of prayer and conversation between you and God. The question is, ‘Are we going to allow uncertainty and self-doubt to prevent us from taking that next step or better said, the first step to something great?’

After three days, Nehemiah finally makes his move. He gets up in the night, and along with a few men, goes out to inspect the wall. He does it in a way as not to attract attention. He says he didn’t tell anyone what God was putting in his heart to do for Jerusalem. First steps are crucial. They are often deliberate and exploratory. We’re not broadcasting to the whole world what we have in our hearts to do. Even so, we might have a friend or confidant that we might take along for this part of the journey. Someone to take the first steps with, but you’re starting to realize that this dream is yours and you are responsible for it. And, there’s something about when God puts something in your heart. There’s no getting away from it; it’s been growing systematically and progressively stronger for a while and then suddenly you realize, ‘It’s time.’ No one knew where Nehemiah was nor what he was doing. He took his time. And then, for the first time, Nehemiah speaks, ‘You see the bad situation that we are in – how Jerusalem is desolate and lies in ruins and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, and let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, so that we will no longer be a disgrace.’  (Nehemiah 2:17)

We all have self-doubt especially when we’re faced with impossible situations. It is easier to walk away from the mirror and convince yourself that it’s best to not even try or that doing nothing is sometimes best. It takes courage to progress beyond self-doubt and it’s the scariest thing to be vulnerable to things beyond your control. Do what you need to do: pace the floor, talk to yourself. Tell yourself that, ‘You are strong enough. You have what it takes. You can do this. So what if I fail.’ Between you and God, you’ll get to the place where you’ll be ready to speak just like Nehemiah.  Be careful who you share your dreams with and don’t speak until you’re completely and utterly convinced in your heart; there’s no turning back. 

💖Always

Leazille

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Once again, thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you today